Like really fucking scared.
In two weeks I will be out of the job. A temporary job, whose end was imminent, but for the first time since freshman year of college, I will not have a job. for the first time since….. preschool I won’t have school to go to in the fall. For the first time ever, time is stretching before me, and no one is telling me how to fill it.
What does my worth and identity become when I do not have a title next to my name. Annie: full time employee. Annie: product design student. Annie: swimmer. Annie: captain of the soccer team. Annie: lifeguard. When is the last time I didn’t have an answer to What do you do? Furthermore, why is what do you do the first question we ask people?
What do I do? What will I do? What do people without jobs do? Search for jobs, sure, but how many hours a day do you spend filling out resumes? Will I become a hermit sitting in my house on the internet all day? Will I become a regular at the coffee shop? Will I end up partying every night, because, why not?
I’m so scared. Where am I going to live? Do I have to move back home? How is that going to feel? Like defeat. Like giving up? Like I put thousands and thousands of dollars into University, and I wind up right where I started. Like I need my Mommy again?
I know that this is my chance to pursue any opportunity I want. But what do I want? I don’t know. And no one is telling me. And I’m scared.
I love the casual, breezy look of chambray, and think it fits the vibe of summer perfectly. The beach, music festivals, and hanging out downtown all beg for a little light wash jean. But it’s important to keep the pieces light in weight so you don’t get too hot in summer heat.
This is out of pure necessity in this heat: spaghetti straps. I LOVE the elegance and femininity of spaghetti straps, especially without additional straps-skip the bra or go strapless for these looks
Last but not least is a pop of color. I tend to dress in grayscale, which has felt increasingly inappropriate in the summer, but just a small addition of color, or switching my heavy blacks to airy whites will help.
About two months ago, I watched a TED talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20) that a coworker had recommended to me. The speaker’s name was Meg Jay and she spoke to the idea that many twenty-somethings are coasting through an extremely influential decade in their life, claiming that adulthood starts ten years later. While she makes many good points, the most memorable excerpt for me was the idea that in our lives, our brains go through two major growth spurts. The first is as a child and the second is in your twenties.
Your twenties offer you with a new boost of personality and a new opportunity for you to develop into who you want to be.
I gave this idea some thought the other day and quickly spiraled into a level of reflection that I haven’t reached in quite some time.
It turns out that I am in a period of transition. If you were to ask me what I want to do with my career, I wouldn’t have an answer. The same is true for when I want to have kids, or where I want to live, or even bigger things, like whether I have a soul that will continue on after I die or whether, ultimately, I should be inherently selfless, or look out more for myself than for my neighbor.
To be completely honest, what prompted this soul searching was my recognition of how I have been dealing with relationships and leading conversations in my life. My stepmother has told me before that “it is far easier to be negative than to be positive in life” and my goodness, I’ll be damned if that isn’t true. So, to determine a cause for the shift in my life outlook, I began to deeply consider the things that surround me. Why, in this critical period of personality development, would I be turning into an irritable, hard-to-deal-with person?
The truth is, I feel like I encounter intolerance everywhere I go. On the commute home, it’s as if every man is for himself. People cut each other off and honk their horns and follow too closely. At the grocery store the other day, I literally had an old man snap at me for accidentally picking up the deli meat he had ordered at the counter… Only to have an old woman yell at me in the parking lot after she nearly backed into me.
So, what’s the point?
The point is that I have realized that in trying to juggle the demands of adulthood, I am slowly, but surely, becoming jaded, just like the man at the deli counter or the woman in the parking lot. And as a woman in my mid twenties, it is extremely difficult to think back to the vivid hopes and dreams that I had as a child – of the person that I was going to be and the life that I was going to live [I literally thought that I was going to change the world] – and recognize that I am living the same life as my neighbors, am equally as (if not more) frustrated than them with the inconveniences of daily life and have adopted that into my psyche without acknowledging it…
Is it inevitable that in adapting to our world as adults, we lose touch of the fire and drive that we felt as children? Does being a good person to those that you love constitute as changing the world? Why do we feel such intolerance for our neighbors, who are trying to “get by” day to day, just like us? Is there a set path that we are meant to follow psychologically and physiologically when we get to this age? If so, am I on it?
Am I ultimately developing into the person that I want to be?
These are the questions that I want answers to…
I hosted my sister’s Bachelorette party a couple of weekends ago, and was in charge of the decor. I didn’t want to do anything vulgar (she is a classy lady) and I didn’t want to go PINK (I am not that girly). So instead we went off of her wedding color, blue. I have a pretty empty house so we needed something to be a visual focus/fill space, and came up with the idea of a balloon wall. it turned out awesome, and was a good backdrop for pics
Since Helium isn’t the easiest thing to come by, we just blew up normal balloons, used some double stick tape, and stuck the balloons to the wall Ombre style. I LOVE how it turned out, and it ended up being a hit for the party. I just brought an extra lamp in to get the lighting right for photos.
Now that my weekends aren’t filled with homework, I suddenly have a lot of spare time. From Friday at 5pm until late Sunday night, I don’t have a to do list, so I want to make a list of driving distance trips I can take for a quick weekend trip. I haven’t experienced nearly enough of my state, or the area around me.
Keeping in mind that crashing on a couch is one of the more frugal ways to experience new cities, think of family or friends you could visit. Plus they’ll be happy to see you. I figure a 4 hour drive is reasonable enough for a weekend away, so here are my top 5 for the summer.
1. Toronto Canada (3hours 45 minutes)
Amazing architecture, big city beaches, and my favorite food; Poutine. Apparently they have some good music festivals too. http://www.blogto.com/sports_play/2013/07/50_things_to_do_this_summer_in_toronto/
2. Milwaukee (5.4 hours)
This one is actually for the sake of Architecture too. Santiago Calatrava’s Milwaukee Art Museum is one of the most interesting beautiful buildings I’ve seen, and to experience that space in real life would be amazing. I mean really. Just look at it.
3. Pittsburg Pennsylvania (4 hours 17 minutes)
Pittsburg has the best of both worlds. A highly active outdoor community (http://activepittsburgh.com/) and big city events, food, and entertainment. Not to mention an intense art culture with Andy Warhol museum and Carnegie Mellon University (one of the more prestigious art schools in America).
4. Chicago, Illinois (4 hours 1 minute)
For me, this one is a bit obvious. It is the biggest big city nearby, and I’ve only made it out there once in my adult life. Chicago is cool because there are so many neighborhoods and sects of people that you can experience. From Ritzy Downtown at The Loop, to artsy and hipster Wicker Park to colleges and beaches in Lincoln Park.
5. Michigan’s West Coast. From St Joseph, to Benton Harbor, Holland, Muskegon, Ludington, Empire, Leeland. (2-4 hours)
I mean really. What beats this view. “Up North” is a way of life in Michigan, and this might always be the epitome of my ideal summer weekend. Bare feet, fresh farmers market fruit, Moomers ice cream and lakes. What a beautiful state I live in.
Now I just need to find a travel buddy, or remind myself that adventures alone are sometimes the best.