Like really fucking scared.
In two weeks I will be out of the job. A temporary job, whose end was imminent, but for the first time since freshman year of college, I will not have a job. for the first time since….. preschool I won’t have school to go to in the fall. For the first time ever, time is stretching before me, and no one is telling me how to fill it.
What does my worth and identity become when I do not have a title next to my name. Annie: full time employee. Annie: product design student. Annie: swimmer. Annie: captain of the soccer team. Annie: lifeguard. When is the last time I didn’t have an answer to What do you do? Furthermore, why is what do you do the first question we ask people?
What do I do? What will I do? What do people without jobs do? Search for jobs, sure, but how many hours a day do you spend filling out resumes? Will I become a hermit sitting in my house on the internet all day? Will I become a regular at the coffee shop? Will I end up partying every night, because, why not?
I’m so scared. Where am I going to live? Do I have to move back home? How is that going to feel? Like defeat. Like giving up? Like I put thousands and thousands of dollars into University, and I wind up right where I started. Like I need my Mommy again?
I know that this is my chance to pursue any opportunity I want. But what do I want? I don’t know. And no one is telling me. And I’m scared.